There
are many brilliant people writing insightful things about BDSM and fetish, and
I am grateful to all those who courageously went before Me in exploring in their
writing, art, and lives, these taboo areas of relationship and sexuality.
In
My view, what is called BDSM is really an enlarged view of sexuality that removes
unnecessary taboos so that the unlimited erotic creativity possible for us can
be enjoyed. I consider it a gourmet form of sexuality, and a high art.
Some
people, like Myself, need power exchange or fetish to be satisfied in their
sexualities and their lives. I agree with the fabulous Gloria
Brame that BDSM can actually be a sexual orientation. It is Mine. But even
for those that are not dependent on it for arousal can enjoy its unique advantages.
It is endlessly imaginative, and will use every form of stimulation at its disposal.
Visual stimulation is well attended to, with fetishists’ love of costume,
clothing and shoes. Hourglass corsets, long gloves, open-toed shoes and brightly
painted nails, and high boots and stockings enhance the lines, curves, and colors
of the body. Sensual stimulation is explored in all its facets.
In
addition to the usual spectrum of pleasurable sensations used in straight sex,
the Dominant adds other colors to his or her palate. Pleasure-pain, constriction
of the body in bondage, the pressure of a gag filling the mouth, of tears welling
in the eyes, of the rush of blood to the face in embarrassment, and even the
sensuality of sensory deprivation are all used the way the vanilla lover uses
their caress, to elicit arousal. In the Dominant’s case, she or he is
also eliciting trust and submission. New emotions are added to the list of “sexual”
feelings, like shame, or worshipful adoration. These are only a few of the ways
that BDSM skillfully employs anything and everything in our lives for erotic
purposes.
Even
“vanilla” or “straight” sexuality has many of the basic
ingredients that get turned into a gourmet eight course meal in BDSM. Power
dynamics fill our lives and our world, and certainly our intimate relations.
All of us must have desired to please a lover at some point, even if it was
only by wanting to give them a fantastic birthday present or surprise picnic.
The enjoyment a submissive feels when he or she succeeds in pleasing a Dominant
partner is an elaborate extension of the same feeling. It’s a nice kind
of attention to get, to know you have pleased someone else, and to feel that
you are pleasing to someone very important. In most relationships partners experience
feelings of vulnerability and devotion. Those are precious emotions. And very
passionate ones. In BDSM, vulnerability, devotion, the desire to please and
to adore becomes magically intertwined with the erotic imagination. How lovely
that there are so many ways to be turned-on.
And then there are the
“darker” aspects of the art. I used to marvel at how someone as
generally warm, kind, and ethical as Myself could enjoy, no, could NEED to
cause pain to others, to degrade them. How could I daydream about slapping
someone I care about repeatedly across the face while they are tightly bound?
How could I desire to see someone feel extreme humiliation, so badly he or
she could not bear to look Me in the eye? Sexologists and psychologists have
plenty of theories about how this develops; there are many different points
of view. I personally decline to speculate on such things, leaving it to professionals
of a different kind. My role as a naturally Dominant woman is to be someone
for others to submit to. Someone to whom my submissive counterparts can unburden
themselves, so that they may become what they are, and have the same satisfaction
I have, of being true to their erotic inner-selves. My role is to control,
dominate, nurture, to be violent, to be gentle, to manipulate, to guide, to
be obeyed, to be deviant, to be worshiped, to be glorious. My role is to create
a safe and ethical space for this part of our lives. I delight in My role,
which is to be strong and beautiful, as well as to bravely lead others to
where their darker desires beacon, and where they cannot go alone.
More of My thoughts
about BDSM and professional Domination can be found in FAQ
and my weblog, Amazon Dot Domme.
